The Wounds of a Friend

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.”
Proverbs 27:6

When we talk about healing and God healing the brokenhearted, as he does in Isaiah 61:1, one of the big things we need to talk about is the wounds we’ve received from a friend.

In our current culture, which worships comfort above all else, when a friend wounds us, most of us will simply write that friend off. “I guess, he wasn’t my friend after all,” we might say. Because we don’t like uncomfortable conversations, it’s easier for us to avoid those at all costs.

I know for myself, I’ve struggled with having uncomfortable conversations over the years. They are hard to initiate. Who wants to ask someone to sit down and talk about things that are hard? They are also hard to end. Sometimes things don’t go the way you want and you can’t find a place of reconciliation. You have to a agree to disagree. That’s hard for many of us to accept. I believe I should be able to convince people to change their mind and take on my point-of-view.

It’s hard for me to accept that some people will not change their point of view and even worse, it’s harder for me to admit that I need to change mine. So what happens in that is that people are wounded. I may say something that utterly offends my friend. They may do the same for me.

But here’s the thing, the wounds of a friend are faithful. That means that when a friend wounds you, typically it’s because they have your best interest at heart. They care for you, that’s why they said something that offended you. They trusted that they could say hard things to you and that you’d still love them after the conversation is over.

Meanwhile, the kisses of our enemies are profuse. You can tell when someone is looking to use you or abuse you, because they will “butter” you up! They will constantly be praising you trying to get on your good side. Those type of people don’t want friendship, they want to use you or manipulate you for their own self-serving interests.

That’s essentially how you can tell the difference between a friend and an enemy. A friend will tell you hard things for your own good, while an enemy will tell you what you want to hear for their own good.

What is interesting to me is that our response to both people should be the same. You can’t control how other people treat you, but you can control how you treat them! The essence of how we should treat others, whether friend or enemy, is to love them. We should treat them with love and mercy.

“If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them.”
Luke 6:32

Jesus expects us to love our enemies and our friends. Love requires us to have hard conversations and to forgive those that have said hard things to us. It doesn’t mean that we don’t set boundaries or that we love with a blind eye, but we are required to love them with a full heart. That means we have to forgive those who are the closest to us who may have hurt us the most.

Prayer - Lord, I forgive those friends who have wounded me as well as my enemies that meant me harm. Help me to love them well even when they meant evil towards me. Father, forgive them for what they did. I also ask you to forgive me for the wounds I’ve caused others, the things I’ve said to others that hurt them, even if I meant it with the best of intentions. Help me to find reconciliation in my relationships with others. Amen.